at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
