At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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