A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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