2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
