It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
