Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
