Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I looked at my own cervix.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
