if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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