Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
