I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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