Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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