So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
