You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
