She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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