If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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