Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I think I sprained my soul last night
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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