i wish starbucks made bloody marys
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
