Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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