he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
