i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
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