i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
