She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
