Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
