I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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