there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
