so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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