He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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