I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
