he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
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