Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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