it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
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