if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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