If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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