just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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