if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
