things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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