I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
