Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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