puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
