The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
