at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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