You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
