i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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