By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
