considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I just gift wrapped bread.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Randomize
