Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Sober January is a disaster.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
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