i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
