roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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