I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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