It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
