I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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