We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
