why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
