do herpes really smell.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
