3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
